Soul Searching

       This week when we had to identify ourselves, I found it somewhat difficult. I struggled to find the right words and I realized that I don't even know myself that well. Yeah, I'm a daughter, sister, tennis player, procrastinator, but I couldn't identify myself the way I wanted to. I want a unique identity that differs from the norm. Just like Beneatha, I'm struggling to find my identity.
       Other people would see me as a stereotypical asian who spends all day studying and having absolutely no social life. They'd think that I aspire to attend Harvard who has a tiger mom. People who really know me know that I'm on the dumb(for the lack of a better word) level on the asian scale. I try my hardest but the odds are typically not in my favor. I'm somewhat pessimistic but I try my hardest to bring optimism into other peoples' lives(*ironic).
       Ever since we were little, the "what do you want to be when you grow up?" question has been reiterated numerous times. To be honest, I still don't really know the answer. I still don't know how to identify myself. I still don't know my true character. I fear writing college essays as I don't even know who I am myself. Beneatha states that she wants to be a doctor, yet she's very flakey. She tries numerous activities-guitar lessons and horseback riding-and dates numerous men as well. She doesn't know how to identify herself as she wants to be different from her stereotype. She doesn't just want to grow up to be another housewife.
       I guess we all somewhat struggle to find our identities but everyone (hopefully) finds it eventually. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Goin' for the Gold

      A common theme that was shown in all three of Fitzgerald's pieces was a man's disillusioned chase after wealth. In The Great Gatsby, Gatsby chases after the dream of Daisy and struggles in re-living the past he had with her. He becomes obsessed with wealth, money, and luxury. When he first meets Daisy, he is amazed by her beauty, wealth, and status. In The Diamond As Big As the Ritz, John has a similar obsession with wealth as he falls in love with Kismine. Fitzgerald exposes how corrupted a person can become as a result from the chase after wealth. Gatsby dies, and Kismine's whole family dies but she's happy with the fact that she's poor now because it gives her a new sensation.
     

A Little Party Never Killed Nobody

       We all love to fantasize about a more idealistic self. Whether it be to be smarter, taller, skinnier, or richer, we all do it. As kids, whenever we wrote personal narratives or stories, we all created our "ideal selves". We would get rid of the flaws and create an ideal "fairytale ending" to our stories. We created fantasies of what we wanted to be when we grew up. We created dreams, hopes, and desires. We created a happy ending to our lives. It was only when we grew up that we realized these dreams are difficult to attain. It's like the world has set us up for failure. Regardless of that, we take our regrets as we grow up and create more ideal situations if we could have a "re-do". But there are no "re-dos" in life, and that may be the hardest thing to cope with.

       Fitzgerald mimicked this as he incorporated the qualities of his later life into Gatsby, and his simple past in Nick. In Gatsby, he mimics how he lost his goal of the "American Dream" as he cheated his way into become rich in order to get the girl of his dreams. Both Gatsby and Fitzgerald had to make something out of themselves in order to win over the hearts of their materialistic lovers. Gatsby reinvents a whole new man out of himself and even changes his name. The "great" in his name implies that he is some magical being that everyone envies but it is really all an illusion. It is all just an image that he has created for himself. Even though Gatsby's ending was tragic and he didn't win the girl, this is perhaps how Fitzgerald really felt as well even though he married Zelda in the end. He felt that his pursuit for wealth corrupted his original ideals of individualism and the pursuit of happiness. He saw that Americans fell into this trap as well. Nick, on the other hand, represented Fitzgerald's simpler life before his chase of wealth and status-when the American Dream was still alive. Another thing to note is that neither Nick nor Gatsby drink much alcohol. This could be one of the qualities that Fitzgerald purposefully instilled to reflect his regrets in his struggle with alcoholism. He put his regrets, hopes, and dreams that were corrupted into this story. 

       I feel like materialism still prevails today. I find it very ironic that we give thanks and are grateful for everything on Thanksgiving, but then the day following, we turn into greedy monsters who are on a hunt for materialistic items. On the night of Thanksgiving, my brother dragged me along to Walmart just to get video games. As we waited in the freezing cold for about and hour and a half, I just thought to myself, is this really worth it? People skip Thanksgiving dinner just to go line up for days, even weeks ahead for materialistic things. They stampede each other, fight, and battle for these things. They turn into monsters. What's more worth it? Spending time with your family or fighting the crowd to get the newest HD flatscreen TV? People still have a craving for luxuries, and tend to make an image out of themselves out of the material things they have. Everyone wants the newest Iphone, gadgets, and more money. We have forgotten what makes us human. We have forgotten the pursuit of happiness and forgotten who we are. How much is too much? We would like to think that we have overcome the past, but history is repeating itself. When will this stop? 

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."