Soul Searching

       This week when we had to identify ourselves, I found it somewhat difficult. I struggled to find the right words and I realized that I don't even know myself that well. Yeah, I'm a daughter, sister, tennis player, procrastinator, but I couldn't identify myself the way I wanted to. I want a unique identity that differs from the norm. Just like Beneatha, I'm struggling to find my identity.
       Other people would see me as a stereotypical asian who spends all day studying and having absolutely no social life. They'd think that I aspire to attend Harvard who has a tiger mom. People who really know me know that I'm on the dumb(for the lack of a better word) level on the asian scale. I try my hardest but the odds are typically not in my favor. I'm somewhat pessimistic but I try my hardest to bring optimism into other peoples' lives(*ironic).
       Ever since we were little, the "what do you want to be when you grow up?" question has been reiterated numerous times. To be honest, I still don't really know the answer. I still don't know how to identify myself. I still don't know my true character. I fear writing college essays as I don't even know who I am myself. Beneatha states that she wants to be a doctor, yet she's very flakey. She tries numerous activities-guitar lessons and horseback riding-and dates numerous men as well. She doesn't know how to identify herself as she wants to be different from her stereotype. She doesn't just want to grow up to be another housewife.
       I guess we all somewhat struggle to find our identities but everyone (hopefully) finds it eventually. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Goin' for the Gold

      A common theme that was shown in all three of Fitzgerald's pieces was a man's disillusioned chase after wealth. In The Great Gatsby, Gatsby chases after the dream of Daisy and struggles in re-living the past he had with her. He becomes obsessed with wealth, money, and luxury. When he first meets Daisy, he is amazed by her beauty, wealth, and status. In The Diamond As Big As the Ritz, John has a similar obsession with wealth as he falls in love with Kismine. Fitzgerald exposes how corrupted a person can become as a result from the chase after wealth. Gatsby dies, and Kismine's whole family dies but she's happy with the fact that she's poor now because it gives her a new sensation.
     

A Little Party Never Killed Nobody

       We all love to fantasize about a more idealistic self. Whether it be to be smarter, taller, skinnier, or richer, we all do it. As kids, whenever we wrote personal narratives or stories, we all created our "ideal selves". We would get rid of the flaws and create an ideal "fairytale ending" to our stories. We created fantasies of what we wanted to be when we grew up. We created dreams, hopes, and desires. We created a happy ending to our lives. It was only when we grew up that we realized these dreams are difficult to attain. It's like the world has set us up for failure. Regardless of that, we take our regrets as we grow up and create more ideal situations if we could have a "re-do". But there are no "re-dos" in life, and that may be the hardest thing to cope with.

       Fitzgerald mimicked this as he incorporated the qualities of his later life into Gatsby, and his simple past in Nick. In Gatsby, he mimics how he lost his goal of the "American Dream" as he cheated his way into become rich in order to get the girl of his dreams. Both Gatsby and Fitzgerald had to make something out of themselves in order to win over the hearts of their materialistic lovers. Gatsby reinvents a whole new man out of himself and even changes his name. The "great" in his name implies that he is some magical being that everyone envies but it is really all an illusion. It is all just an image that he has created for himself. Even though Gatsby's ending was tragic and he didn't win the girl, this is perhaps how Fitzgerald really felt as well even though he married Zelda in the end. He felt that his pursuit for wealth corrupted his original ideals of individualism and the pursuit of happiness. He saw that Americans fell into this trap as well. Nick, on the other hand, represented Fitzgerald's simpler life before his chase of wealth and status-when the American Dream was still alive. Another thing to note is that neither Nick nor Gatsby drink much alcohol. This could be one of the qualities that Fitzgerald purposefully instilled to reflect his regrets in his struggle with alcoholism. He put his regrets, hopes, and dreams that were corrupted into this story. 

       I feel like materialism still prevails today. I find it very ironic that we give thanks and are grateful for everything on Thanksgiving, but then the day following, we turn into greedy monsters who are on a hunt for materialistic items. On the night of Thanksgiving, my brother dragged me along to Walmart just to get video games. As we waited in the freezing cold for about and hour and a half, I just thought to myself, is this really worth it? People skip Thanksgiving dinner just to go line up for days, even weeks ahead for materialistic things. They stampede each other, fight, and battle for these things. They turn into monsters. What's more worth it? Spending time with your family or fighting the crowd to get the newest HD flatscreen TV? People still have a craving for luxuries, and tend to make an image out of themselves out of the material things they have. Everyone wants the newest Iphone, gadgets, and more money. We have forgotten what makes us human. We have forgotten the pursuit of happiness and forgotten who we are. How much is too much? We would like to think that we have overcome the past, but history is repeating itself. When will this stop? 

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor

       Human suffering is as old as time. In Giovanni's piece, she describes how human suffering is seen everywhere in history- from the Holocaust to the Native Americans to just everyday crime in cities. She brings out this fault in the world and makes a call to action for us all to escape this labyrinth.
       She criticizes the fact that Harry Potter is merely just a boy who lived. His story is similar to many people's lives today. He was simply one out of millions who "[bloomed] in the noise of the whirlwind" Giovanni makes fun of the fact of how modern day people praise Harry Potter for the magic, wizards, etc, and often overlook the important moral lesson hidden behind the plot. His mom's unconditional motherly love prevails and sets a platform for him to live on. He seizes this opportunity as he grows older to bloom through the suffering. Giovanni criticizes Harry Potter as well because his story isn't that spectacular. Why don't people give Neville any recognition? He was an orphan who suffered just as much as Harry.
       The point is that suffering is everywhere. Even the elephant story showed the struggle in the savannah but the motherly love protected the infant so he could have a chance to bloom. Blooming means finding your identity, but Giovanni shows how in this world of chaos it is often very difficult to do it through all the suffering. "I am neither the white man you think I am nor the Black man I hope to be."
        After watching Catching Fire this weekend, I realized that the morals of human suffering and "blooming through the whirlwind" are also prevalent in this story. Katniss blooms in the whirlwind as the Capitol casts suffering to the districts. Just like Harry Potter and the elephant, Katniss shows "motherly" love towards her sister as she sacrifices herself. She becomes the hero of the story who serves as a symbol of hope. Another point worth noting is that people are often only consumed and concerned about the love triangle that surrounds the story, and often overlook the deep moral lessons- such as the corruption of the capitol and how much the poeple are suffering. The Hunger Games isn't just a story about some heroine with some hot boys, it's about love, hope, sacrifice, and suffering. That's just like how people are often only drawn into the magic, wands, and wizards of Harry Potter.
       Just as Giovanni is trying to say- there is hope for change before the savannah completely vanishes but humans need to take action now.

!?!?!?! *P [_] |\| ( + [_] /\ + ! O |\|* ?!?!?!?!

         If there's one thing I learned this week, it would be that debating is hard-very hard. As both sides argued back and forth, both had really good rebuttals.
        For the anti-side, our strongest rebuttal was probably just that the standard conventions of punctuation would limit individual style(especially in the 21st century with Twitter, etc) and how punctuation is ever-evolving.
       The other side makes a good point about how it is important for clarification, especially in academic or professional settings. Even though I was on the anti side, I find myself still debating whether the standards of punctuation is necessary. I understand how it's important in academic settings, but I find that most teens disregard punctuation on social networks or texting just because they assume people can understand them through the context.
       An example of the "individual style" of punctuation is seen when teens choose to use a period or not. It's kind of funny that "Ok","Ok." are interpreted differently. A lot of people automatically assume that the period means, "Uh oh this person is pissed!" Also it is very, very rare to see correct punctuation on twitter. Most people just want the freedom of expression without having to worry about some "standard" that they have to follow. Punctuation not only puts in areas where there should be a pause-nowadays it also shows the tone, mood, and attitude.
   
Argument for punctuation:

A wonderful song regarding the oxford comma:

Marked for Life?

        Alas, time for another blog post. When I read There Is No Unmarked Woman, a sadness came upon me as I realized that women were trapped in this horrible game of marking. We are judged by every action, every word, every movement. Throwing back to a previous topic, I think all of this started back in the day when men started to stereotype women as weak. Being seen as weak, the only way that women had an chance of gaining power was against other women, so they compared each other in the aspects of beauty, wealth, status, etc. As time progressed, although women have gained more rights than the past, this "default setting" of judgment and competition among women has stayed. I think that part of this marking by men has started from women. 

          So, I think the only way to get rid of this "marking" is when women stop the marking first. If even women can't stop labeling each other by their sexuality, how can the rest of society? Even just in high school there isn't a day where I don't hear a girl go "Look at what she's wearing! She's such a slob; Wow she talks to so many boys, she's such a flirt!" We need to start the change and serve as an example. 

      Relating to The Scarlet Letter, I think Hester serves as a prime example. Instead of conforming to what society expects her to act like, she uses her marking as a slap back in their face by remaining strong. Contrary to what many men would think, Hester(THE WOMAN) is stronger than Dimmesdale(THE MAN) in this case. She defies the stereotype of women being the weaker sex. 

Lesson of the day: listen to Rosie!

 My reaction to the end of The Scarlet Letter:

The Truth Will Set You Free

       Lies on lies on lies. It's an inevitable part of our lives. There comes to a point where your pile of lies will consume you. You are your lies, your lies are you. You'll reach a breaking point, and your guilt will eat you from the inside out.
       This week as we read The Scarlet Letter, we saw two different ways of dealing with sins. Hester, being found out, confessed her sin and was harshly judged by all the townspeople. Although she was condemned to a lifetime of judgement, she could live her life freely with Pearl since her sin was already out there. She doesn't have the guilt of her sin eating her out anymore. Also, as the years passed, the townspeople have somewhat forgiven her and now view her differently. Instead of the letter A representing adultery, they now think it stand for able. They think she's a very kind woman who helps out the poor. Although she is still shunned, the judgement on her has decreased.
       On the other hand, Dimmesdale cannot bring himself to confess his sin. As a minister, the townspeople would go insane if they found out that he also confessed the sin. As he holds his sin in, it is eating him alive not only emotionally and mentally, but also physically. His guilt will pile up until he reaches his breaking point.
       I think this applies to real life because it teaches us that we can never run away from our sins. They will always be with us but if we confess and don't let it pile up, then it's okay. This kind of relates to the statement of how you tell so many lies that you don't even remember the truth anymore. This is the same with sins. If you let them pile up then it will drive you insane. You will lose your identity and sanity. More concisely: the truth will set you free.

     

Me, Myself, and I

       As we read "This is Water" in class this week, one line from Wallace particularly stuck out to me.

"Worship power, you will end up feeling weak and afraid, and you will need ever more power over others to numb you to your own fear. Worship your intellect, being seen as smart, you will end up feeling stupid, a fraud, always on the verge of being found out."

       This is going to be a stereotypical asian blog post, but I realized that this powerful quote really applied to me (mostly the intelligence part). Junior year: the hellish year full of standardized test, APs, etc.( a stereotype that proves to be true). There isn't a day where I don't hear people around me saying "What did you get on that test?...I can't believe she aced it!...How did you do?...I'm so dumb compared to her!...At least she got a lower grade than me!" There goes the never ending cycle of comparing and using someone else's score as an excuse to make yourself feel better. This cycle leads to one thinking, "Why can't I be as smart as *so and so*...Why can't I be as athletic as *so and so*?" I'm not going to lie, I do this too. But, it needs to stop.
       The more we focus solely on one thing, the more we'll lose. The smarter you want to be, the dumber you will feel. The richer you want to be; no amount of material goods will ever satisfy you. The more power you crave, the more vulnerable you will feel.
       The moral of this? I just feel like we need to learn to be grateful for what we are and stop trying to be someone that we're not. We don't need to be as smart as other people to fulfill our lives; we don't need to prove ourselves to other people in order to feel powerful.
       My motto that I presented this week was "You are as invincible as you believe yourself to be." In other words, YOU are the limit of yourself, not other people!! You can be as smart, powerful, content, or rich as you want to be, but be happy with your own limits. Don't let other people define what your limits are. Define for yourself what you consider to be smart. It could literally be intelligent, or it could mean being able to put 100% effort into something and know you tried as hard as you could. Being powerful could mean being able to control, or being able to overcome your fears. Being rich could mean having loads of money, or being rich in your heart; in other words, being able to give back to someone who could never repay you.

As the great Dr. Seuss said, "Today you are You, that is truer than true, there is no one alive who is Youer than You."

O'er the Land of the Free

       In class this week we read the Declaration of Independence and discussed if we have lived up to the statement "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

       I think the debate over whether or not we have lived up to that statement is subjective because the interpretation of the statement changes with each generation. At first, the "men" that the founding fathers refer to are only white men. 

       In the early 1900s, the definition of "men" expanded to women and they fought for their suffrage. Then, African-Americans fought to have the same rights. It's kind of sad that it took America so long to expand these rights to these people who should have had the same rights in the first place. In this generation, people are still fighting for gay rights. The pessimist would say that America does not live up to the statement, but the optimist would say that America is just slow in it's progress in living up it.
       Personally, I feel like America has made more progress than a lot of other countries, but we still have a long way to go. Even though we'd like to say that we all have the same rights, racism and prejudice is still prevalent in our lives and I don't think there's ever going to be a complete end to it.
       Recently in the news, an African-American gymnast named Simone competed at worlds and an Italian gymnast who finished right behind her claimed that Americans always have an unfair advantage over every other country and stated that maybe next time her and her team mate should paint their skin black so they would win. This remark really struck me at how terrible people can be. Even though this isn't necessarily a remark made by an American, this is an example of how there is still progress to be made in the definition of equality. Prejudice often overpowers the fact that all people should have the same rights.

Who are you?

       This weekend as I read Patrick Henry's speech, I noticed that in his style, he uses a lot of rhetorical questions to get his point across. Rhetorical questions ultimately reveal the truth by answering simple questions that we forget. He pauses in between the questions to give us time to reflect and think about the truth that's hidden.

        Every week(more like every day) I constantly hear my parents yell, "Is your room clean? Homework done? ACT practice? Is that a phone I see? Where's the homework?" Although this gets very, very annoying, I realize that deep down I know the answer to all of those and they're just using the truth against me to reveal what I need to be doing. The questions keep me on my toes and somewhat motivate me that I need to get up and do something. 

       I think this relates a lot to The Crucible. This week, we discussed how one of the main points in the play was reputation and your name. I think that rhetorical questions help us remember who we are and help us make the right choices. "Are you sure that's a good idea? Would your mom be proud if she knew you did that? Wouldn't you get caught? Do you want to get into college or not?" Rhetorical questions help people remember that they need to stay true to their identity so their good name can live on. 

       

Girl World is a Mean World

       This week, as we read The Crucible, we saw how one accusation by a single person can lead to the whole world believing in something false. Abigail portrays how manipulative humans can be when they want something. She sets up a trap to make Elizabeth look guilty of witchcraft, and when she accused her, the court just automatically believed her.
       The sad truth is this is similar in high schools, especially with girls. Through the years, there have been a countless number of times when one girl starts a rumor about someone else and everyone else just believes them even if they don't have proof. Think about it- high school is just everyone trying to follow a stupid "status-quo". Shamefully, there have been many times when a girl becomes a victim of a rumor and gets a negative image. Everyone just starts to believe it because the "popular" girl started the rumor, so who would want to go against the "popular" girl? A lot of the time, people decide that laying low is better than sticking up for someone because you might become the next victim.
       This is similar in The Crucible when Mary Warren says she can't confess the truth because Abigail would kill her. In this case, Abigail is the "popular" girl and Mary Warren would rather inflict the rumors on someone else than become the victim herself.
       This past week, National Mean Girls Day was on October 3rd and I realized that it connected well with this topic. In the movie, Regina George-"the popular girl"- spreads nasty rumors about Janice Ian and every girl automatically believed in it just cause they didn't want to go against Regina. They'd rather laugh with the bully than be laughed at.
       So, my message to all is screw the status quo! This is cliche, but the only way to end this cycle of gossip, accusations, and rumors, is if YOU stand up.

Believe

       Growing up, I never really had a strong belief in a religion. Both my parents are Buddhist, but only my dad is extremely religious. No, I'm not an atheist; I do believe that there is a God. Don't get me wrong, I respect people who have a strong faith or who are atheist; I think that having a religion is a very personal choice.
       From the outside looking in, it often frustrates me that people try to impose their religion on other people. This is seen in Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God which we read this week. Edwards not only tries to impose the Christian faith on the people, he threatens them with the idea of hell and how all of them are doomed. I think that religion shouldn't be imposed on a person, and you can't make people believe in something that they don't understand. I think it's people like this who overanalyze the values in a religion when it was supposed to be a simple, working towards a "good factor". The extremists take the religion to far and corrupt it.
       One event that will always stick with me is something that took place in 2nd grade. One of my best friends came up to me one day and said "If you aren't a Christian then we can't be friends anymore. I'm bringing a bible for you tomorrow, ok?" Yes, a 7 year old was forcing a religion upon me. Being naive at the time, I just kind of stared at her not being able to comprehend what just happened. I got frustrated that I didn't really have a religion and I questioned my parents why that was the case. Now looking back at it, I wish I could've told my 2nd grade self that it's completely fine not to strongly believe in a faith. As long as you pertain the good morals that a faith has, then you will be fine.
       All the wars and controversies over religion also frustrate me. Every religion should be respected. If you think about it, they are all connected in the matter that they all believe in a God/Gods. Most of them ultimately just want people to have good morals and be cleansed of "sins". Why should one religion be superior than another? Like Ms. Valentino said with Democrats and Republicans actually wanting the same goal in the end, I think religions are like that as well. They are all intertwined in one way or another but some beliefs or values may be different. Often, I think of the movie Life Of Pi, and I think about how the main character says he is a combination of many different religions. I find this very interesting and compelling because I think if we could all just see the good values in each religion and connect them, our world would be a much more peaceful place.

*Please note that this was in no way intended to offend anyone, I'm just putting my opinions out there.

Skinny Eyes and Stereotypes

       Nerdy. Anti-social. Small eyes. Over achiever. Straight A's. Don't lie to yourself, you just thought of an asian didn't you? Whether we admit it or not, these stereotypes have been implanted into us by society. We all want to say that we've grown past the racism in the past, but that isn't true at all. In Sherman Alexie's novel, he explains how all Native Americans are stereotyped as being drunks, criminals, and uneducated. They're forever bounded from accomplishing much just because they think that they can only live within their stereotypes, but they just need to escape them and be proud of their ethnicity. This is true for asians as well. Yes, we do study for the vast majority of the time. Well, yeah we have small eyes, you don't have to point that out(if it wasn't obvious enough). Do you think we can change any of that though? Do you think we LOVE studying 24/7? I think that many people don't realize the pressure that we're under from our parents, or just expectations. We're expected to get straight A's. We're expected to go to Harvard. We're expected to be a genius and get perfect scores. Well, sorry to break it to you, but 99.9% of the time none of that happens!

       I'm not going to lie, sometimes when asians live up to the stereotypes it bothers me a lot. For example-I cannot stand when I see asians pull out the peace sign in a picture. I don't know why, it just seems like they're just craving for that stereotype to be a spotlight on them. At the same time, I just wonder why white people aren't judged for those actions, and I realize that I'm just being hypocritical. If even someone who is of the asian race is judgmental of their own race, how are other people supposed to get over the stereotypes?! This brings me to this one occurrence I had recently at Troy Daze. A girl that I had just met told me a story of when she was out west this summer. She explained that while in the Grand Canyon, many asians were there and they would pose(and pull out the peace sign) with random, insignificant statues. She said that to mock them, she copied their "ridiculous" poses right in front of them. On the outside, I just smiled and laughed along with her, but on the inside I was just thinking, "DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU'RE TALKING TO AN ASIAN YOU IDIOT!? HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I SAID THAT ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE?!" I went home with all hope lost in the world. But then again, I realized that she probably didn't realize the situation and didn't mean any harm.

       Personally, I'm a pretty white washed asian-I'm a golden oreo ;). I've noticed that the majority of my friends aren't asian. I don't play the violin, piano, etc. I don't spend all my time studying. I'd like to think that I have a social life. Yes, I have constant pressure from my parents to get straight A's, and high scores on standardized tests. No, I don't have straight A's, but my grades are pretty decent. In the past, I got made fun of a lot by my friends about how I'm crazy for taking so many rigorous classes, or that all I ever do is study.  I've also had times where I'm so ashamed of my ethnicity because of the stereotypes it brings along. I've even hated it. Especially for colleges, asians are compared to each other, so if you're not some Einstein then you're basically screwed-I'm sorry that I have a life outside of studying? I only have one life so I actually want to do something with it? Although there are many downsides, I've recently learned to embrace the culture, heritage, and values that come along with it. Recently I came to realize that I'm thankful that my parents push me. I'd rather have parents who care too much than not at all. I'm thankful that they're there to remind me that I can reach my full potential if I work hard enough. Whenever I notice that someone is stereotyping me, I just think, well, at least I'm going to make something out of myself in the future. 

       I now understand that stereotypes will always exist and there's nothing that can be done about it, but you have to see past the downs and embrace your heritage and the morals that each ethnicity has. You need to exceed the expectations and stereotypes. 

A video that never fails to make me laugh:

The Devil/Angel Inside

What is the basic nature of people: Good vs. Evil? 

        Although I have some doubts, I'd generally agree that all humans are good inside. I believe that all humans are born good but it's the events that take place in their lives that can change their nature. It can be the way that their parents teach them, or horrible events that morph them. A person's environment can either teach a person to continue to have that good nature, or obtain an evilness. When we are born, we are just innocent souls-a blank page. We have no knowledge about anything. We don't even know what evil is. Everything we adhere is learned, and the innocence is destroyed. Why are most people selfish? We learn to be selfish, since the corruption in this world forces us to act that way. We learn that in this world, the only person you can truly depend on is yourself. Why are people racist then? Nobody is born racist, it's our families or community that teaches us those beliefs. 
      
       Even if someone is evil and they harm someone else, deep down they will feel some sort of guilt, whether it be small or big. Guilt represents the good that's inside all humans, because if we were truly evil then we wouldn't feel bad about anything. Yes, there are those cocky people who say they don't care what anyone else says, but that's a lie. Whether we like to admit it or not, we base a lot of our decisions on how people will judge us, so we always care about how people view us. I believe that in our world we see way more people doing charitable things rather than evil. When a horrible event occurs, such as a natural disaster, terrorist attack, etc, so many good people come together to benefit the society. I'd say the ratio of good to evil is very high. Everyday, we see good in people's nature, whether it be holding doors, offering a seat, smiling, or helping a friend out, we are basically good. Often, we hear people say that they would die for a loved one, or even strangers. I recently read a study where 50% of Americans say they would donate a kidney to a complete stranger. We see goodness everywhere- habitat for humanity, locks of love, relay for life, etc. We all feel a million times more happy when we do good things rather than bad, so it proves that we are truly good inside.           

       In Huck Finn, Huck demonstrates this goodness when he repels society and helps Jim. Although society chastises him for going against the status quo, his gut tells him that helping this man to freedom is the right thing to do, and he feels much more satisfied with himself that he's doing a good thing. He knows that he will get criticized for his actions but his friendship with Jim is much more important to him. He sets an example of how humans are truly good inside.